Synopsis

Size: 0.5” diameter x 2” tall with ½” pin retainer.

Material: Fossil SqueeGee* globes with organic gravity paths, other components are of various materials.

Condition: Used retention device.

Display Mounting: 1.5” diameter base with 3” tall wire hangar (optional).

Current Caretaker: Saxon Southmoor, Pirate Captain of the Digiphil crew.

Mars is approximately half the size of Earth and its gravity approximately one third ours. Yes, we all weigh our ideal weight when we’re on holiday there!!! As appealing as that is, it’s a problem carrying picnic baskets to merriment parks as we tend to bounce quite high. Losing our repast while maintaining our balance is a considerable concern as who wants to lose their lunch!

Well, that’s no longer a concern! The Maintenance and Rescue Society (MaRS), an organization charged with safekeeping Martian visitors, especially day picnickers, recommends employing a personal Gravity Enhancing Axial Restrainer (GEAR) on one’s person during festive opportunities.

As a lapel pin it’s a rage fashion statement (rarity of SqueeGee globes), as well as of the utmost practicality. The GEAR will save you literally pounds of fresh produce as it exerts an organic gravity path induced force, keeping you anchored securely to the planet’s surface (and provides an advantage in touch football games popular among the coed set, but I didn’t tell you that…)

This device gathers old Sol’s rays in its double globe, reverse feed configuration to pressure cook the anticyclonic density materials inside until you can no longer move. Ensure the force regulator is set to ‘awkward’ rather than ‘lethargic’ for best results.

Synopsis

Size: 1.5" diameter x 0.5" thick with double-linked 30" chain and 2" extension.

Display Mounting: 2”x2”x12" Marble Obelisk (optional).

Material: Circular case cut from single piece of Unobtainium, components are of various materials.

Condition: Used detection device.

Current Caretaker: Saxon Southmoor, Pirate Captain of the Digiphil crew.

The Martian surface can be a dangerous place for picnics or fanciful celebrations even though it’s enveloped by a thin layer of outer atmosphere. Protecting oneself from harmful cosmic rays and/or radio waves is paramount to a successful and enjoyable feast or fête. The oft-mentioned Maintenance and Rescue Society (MaRS), an organization charged with the safekeeping of Martian visitors, especially day picnickers, recommends employing a personal Cosmic Ray and Other Wave Detector (CROWD) on one’s person during such gaieties. The CROWD is a portable insurance policy which you will not want to be without.

This small and comfortable device, worn around the neck, senses the presence of cosmic rays as well as radio waves of various frequencies. When such rays or waves are detected, specific crystals in the face of the device, finely attuned to those wave lengths, will illuminate and glow in direct proportion to the intensity of said rays or waves. Additionally, the day setting ring serves as a dosage meter. Once the time limit is reached for exposure during your outing, a pleasant and reassuring chime sounds, advising the wearer of an imminent time of departure for an area more protected from the wilder wonders of our mystical universe.

Made of the purest Unobtainium money can buy, this device will last you and your descendants a lifetime. We have payment plans over a minimum of three generations as price is no object when it comes to your personal well being!

Synopsis

Size: 6" x 1.75".

Material: Bronzed Unobtainium, Plutonian Diamonds, gold inlays over midnight starscape with Portugese explorer chronometer.

Condition: Used navigation device.

Current Caretaker: Saxon Southmoor, Pirate Captain of the Digiphil crew.

To become a seasoned and respected corsair command pilot of any lighter than air ship armed with animated matter canons and repeating streams of orange steam displays, one must become a professional air and brine current navigator, completely dedicated to maintaining a sterling reputation in the chronicals of amophous air and high seas navigation.

Having endured and survived the Debacle of the Seven, the wearer of this antique device becomes a formidible commander of a scurvy band of maurauders, freebooters and men with less than an admired professional demeanor. The envy of many a fixed wing albatross falsely posing their worth.

Worn with pride by only a very few, the inner contrivances of this coveted device allow the celebrated bearer to be completely confident of his ability to successfully navigate the stormy shoals around the entire myriad of continental shores and tropospheres.

Synopsis

Size: 5' x 2.125" x 0.75".

Display Mounting: Internal Anti-Gravity Self-Balancing Piston.

Material: Sacred Lacewood, Eye of Intervenious Tobat, Mystical scrying gem, Pheasant Feather with chains and brozne gears.

Condition: Used mystical device.

Current Caretaker: Alan C.C. of the Mich tribe.

In the deepest heart of an ancient Lacewood forest in far away Arpian, the renowned alchemist (and occassional sleight of hand artist) Catweezle Feuerteufel searched for the perfect treelet limb to be formed into a unique staff to serve as a base of earthen power for his apprentice. On having found it, he dubbed it ‘Silas’ and cut it carefully from its root. Adding occultish functions and special natural fetishes until it oozed a dark green aura as if had never been separated from it's parent, he searched for his new apprentice.

Silas, now with the ever watchful eye of Kronut, a magical pheasant feather and a variable focus mystical scrying gem, now resides in your immediate care. It will protect you when you traverse unknown or barren lands and knows you are the awaited one.

       Translated from the Olde Arpian Texts of Yesterday
       and certified correct by Fivebeards, the king's bard

Synopsis

Size: 12" wide x 9" high.

Material: Hand formed brass, Quail feathers, artificial composite, wood beads and bone.

Condition: Used repelent device.

Currently in the trust of: Tony of the ACC tribe.

The prehistoric native hunters of certain tribal groups living within the deep subteranean realms, often adorn their bodies and faces with mystical ornamentation exuding totemic symbolization designed to drive evil spirits and irritating in-laws away.

This most excellent example was found accidentally during a decade-long arctic excavation of the foreign lands below the freezing surface of Cerberus. It comes from the Cave of Horrors, which in itself is a location one would wish to avoid, unless one might be tired of everyday life and require an adventure for all time.

Should you wish to assess the actual functioning traits of this chest piece's capabilities, don the ancient artifact and look around your space. If you do not see any of the most evil spirits immaginable (including undesireable in-laws), you know it's doing its job well.

Synopsis

Size: 4" oblongunctious reach with severing prong extended.

Display Mounting: 9" x 8" External mounting case with double sided moondust force field.

Material: Enameled bronze with inlaid components surrounding brass starfish.

Condition: Inanimate skeletal archetype.

Currently in the trust of: The Museum of Objects Esoteric.

One of the most feared of metal starfish is the deep magma six tentacled armed gear (STAR) species with needle pronged nose, a surefire fighter without peer in the volcanic world of Cap'n Nemo. Previously only rumored to exist at unachievable depths, the STAR species is known only through examples found floating on the surface of the liquid injected hydrogenated crack in the beta ocean tides.

Warning: Attempting to restrain one of these life forms is only achievable through the use of an external mounting case with double sided moondust force field. Under penalty of a bloody future, do NOT allow the gears to leap out and rotate as that is the escape mechanism.

Synopsis

Size: 3.5" x 1.5" ribbon and 1.5" hanging medallion.

Material: Grosgrain ribbon with gold plated dubloon, brass gear and wire noose.

Condition: Used luxury award.

Current Caretaker: Saxon Southmoor, Pirate Captain of the Digiphil crew.

The golden hangman’s noose is a grim reminder of an undesired fate, should a free-booting air pirate be apprehended. The art of being a successful scourge of the seven aethers and keeping the pieces of eight one so laboriously gathers in perilous raids and treacherous boardings is in avoiding loathsome authorities. Well, that and being faster with a sharp-bladed cutlass than the scurvy dogs nearby.

The mark of a respected privateer (doesn’t that sound better than dirty pirate?) is in his accoutrement, essentially blingy gear worn on his august person. Nothing says ‘me’ like a piece of eight displayed with it’s punishment openly. This medal does exactly that and let all beware of your reputation by simply looking at the corsair’s commendation you display so brazenly.